Furthering into darkness. What do you think?

I remember a day where I used to feel so much happy, full of hope and desire for life's adventure. I remember when I felt like I could do anything in this world. I still remember how it felt, the glory that would soon have arrived if not for the incident. You see, one day, filled with happiness and feeling like the world could never touch me, they told me I was being too out there. Somehow, this struck me to the core. I started looking at myself a lot more and therefore, started to think that I was not so invinsible anymore. As time passed, I talked less and less to people, growing increasingly fat, I started to get dumb. As painfully it is for me to write this, it was the truth. Few friends, an addiction to chess; I was depressed. While I was in college I finally told about my love, I was replied with a no. This furthered my depression, plunging me into darkness even further. It was easy, to just let go of my emotions; it was tough maintaining them. I grew careless of others, living in my room, my world. Chess being only my true friend, I was happy in my own way. I joined the military, surprisingly they took me really fast. How could this be? Apparently on black and white, I was on top of line compared to others. Healthy, did not smoke, did not drink, did not do drugs. I got kicked from the military. I guess my careless of emotions got the best of me, which is what running is all about, the mental toughness. Now home, I am back to my old ways, getting fat and playing video games. Not much of a friend network, I hardly talk to anybody aside from my mother and clan mates. Always quiet, as if the world is going to give me what I want. Darkness, once again falling hard into darkness. What is the answer to my question in life? Will I have the will to make the life I want? My mind says yes, theoretically speaking it is very possible. So why can't I make my energy-less body move according to what my mind wants? It is annoying. I have a vision of what I want in my future, yet I grow lazy when I focus on the now.